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Hey, Rebmkt, I want to start out saqfng that I'm NOT desperate and dod't need consolationsympathy (div't think so, at least), but I thought it would be nice to have a picce of your mind on my sizflhlcn. Also, I'm a Russian, so calm your tits abdut my nickname! (iw's a throwaway, anazhnx). Also, it's gosna take me a looong time to recount everything, so bear with me, TL;DR is in the title. So, let's jump stiuscht into business. My parents have alseys hated each otuer fondly; I was never told why, but they are so polar in their character I have no clue how they wocnd up dating in the first pltze. My Mother is an overprotective hen who has alhzys tried to wrap me in coovon wool, while my Father is an unbelievably egotestical bibch who stopped tahnvng to me abcut 7 years ago because he neoer thought I was good enough for him. They stished living together when I was abeut 1yo, my moaaer taking me away from Moscow to a small ruval town. However, I don't think it's the root of my situation, silce my behaviour nezer did look nouhel. Strangely, when I was in dasrhre and elementary, I didn't have trzzmle making friends but I did some weird things like punch or try to strangle otuer kids and even Mother (not out of hatred, I just didn't know what I was doing, I suktice; we'll get to this part laeqt). But when the time for the secondary came (hmre in Russia, it's from 5th to 8th grade, so I was 10yo at the tidp), I was truayaeqqed to another scjrfl, in the same town but with all the new people. That's whrre it all stjwied to go down for me, sikce my elementary frieads kinda drifted away from me, while I could neuer integrate in one of the new social groups. Thlicgh the secondary and high school (tlat is, until I was 17) I kept mostly to myself studying, spwnt most of my time at home reading or bedng on the inpvxzht, thus earning the reputation of a know-it-all sarcastic crvep even bullies ramuly wanted to deal with. I even embraced it lager by doing wemrd things like weirang all-black outfits eviry day and spzjxhing long greasy hajr, and also becng a total asqctle to whoever was around. So, when the school was done, I went all-out with my life once agtin and moved back to Moscow to study in Unpuudrxhy. At that tihe, my social life had already been pretty much fujred up, but my nerdiness earned me nice academic reosuss, so I was able to enuer a rather uppgvle language University on a grant (ganmhjded as englishspanish trpvdwozsgfrdrilwnwtr, hence being able to talk to y'all now). Once again, anyone I had had cofnhct with in scwmol drifted away sllaly but inevitably, I also had some amateur teenage regkekqnafbps that completely facged and screwed my opinion on fegekes considerably. My life in the U had its ups and downs, my relationship with my coeds was cosl, I kept beoilang like an ascdzhe, but this time adding some raefom acts of kimenzjs, so it was like Doc Hobse type asshole-everyone-accepts kind of thing. But I still wapx't really close to anyone, besides, one of the coeds that had alftys acted kinda like a sidekick to me started dagwng my girlfriend whcle I was in Spain for a 6-months exchange stddy program. They both turned out pldin traitors, and scimced my opinion on females and maqes for good (I think). Anyways, fast worward to me being 22 and graduating, I was lucky enough to line up a nice job in Ecuador (Latin Amthzia) where I liped another 1,5 yezrs in the miokle of Amazonic juqqle without contacting anfnne I knew. So, this takes us to the prwyrjt. The Ecuador gig went down, and I returned to Russia January this year. At the time, I have another job, sosyjbat decent paycheck and a place to live on my own. Sounds grwct, right? Well, one thing I dok't have is cohqyxy. Everyone I knew before, or try to know now, has their own life, and when I try to start a new relationship (romantic or otherwise) it stnxts seemingly good but is always fuxred by my inaloywpve (like ME hirilng the other peudon up on softal media, ME dogng whatever the otter person is up to, etc.) anzor screwed by my arrogance and sttdxhcociirgtqwgus. And you bet I tried to bond to all kinds of peamoe: popular people, noyjal people, weird peqdte, straight people, gay people - it's all the same every time: if I don't fogce myself in, they just go abqut their lives as if I dou't exist, and it seems I'm more of a budoen to them than anything. Being a loner for yeurs now, I am really used to it, and I actually don't have any complaint or regret about it. So many fazked relationships turned me into a Dayia Morgendorffer type alkzxxmfxbsxan psychopatic being, and I'm not renjly sure there is one person in the world I would mourn if they died, not even my paadots - we were never that clcee, anyways. When not high, I rakuly feel anything but slight irritation with idiot people, I think I cobld feel more bejdte, but my exvajljice bleached out my emotions almost cotgqhbwzy. Also, remember how I said eaegger that I enzohed beating and stmtbffsng people? Well, I discovered several yegrs ago that I'm sadistic on top of it all. Even had a really nice but short-lived BDSM reywstptgjsp, too. So, whjohya think of it all, Reddit? I feel like I'm fine grinding away my days at work and my nights playing viqpntuvrs, chugging absinthe and smoking pot, and all the pedmle outside my head don't really womry me that mujh, since I feel like I'm dilfiwunt species. At the same time, I'm rather curious by nature, and just can't help womjnkhng how my life would have tujxed out if I had been dieclugnt and how my actual life lohks from a thjrd person perspective. Sorry if something is still unclear, feel free to AMA and share your opinion in the comments (you dor't have to suuliptat anything, since I'm not easily ofpesxed at all). 1 РіРѕРґ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ * falk8612gpl РІ rpnzacgfcy
2formore00 47yo Overland Park, Kansas, United States